Xolisile (xolisile) wrote,
Xolisile
xolisile

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Title: Sorry
Author: xolisile
Pairing: KangTeuk, KangMin, YehTeuk
Genre: angsty?
Note: This chapter only took so long due to recent events. If the thought of the accident bothers you, don’t read this chapter.

Part One: When Forever Ends
Part Two: Fall to Pieces
Part Three: Fading Fast
Part Four: Reality

I loved YoungOon.

Scratch that. Still do.

But slowly slowly slowly...another has entered my heart. Ever since that one day in the park when I caught YoungOon with SungMin, YehSung’s been there for me. He’s more of a help than I think he credits himself for.

He’s there when I’m crying. He’s there when I’m feeling sorry for myself. He’s there when I’m introspective and wondering where it all went wrong. He’s there on those rare occasions when I’m feeling happy. He’s there for me.

I find myself looking over my shoulder for YoungOon less often. I find myself looking away with my cheeks burning in shame less often. I’m not slinking away when he enters a room. So of course he chooses now, just when it seems like I might be able to move on, to start paying more attention to me.

I don’t want to hurt YehSung. I know the pain all too well. But I can’t deny my lingering feelings for YoungOon. He was my first.

...and probably my only.

The day YehSung first made his intentions clear, I happened to be on my way out. I needed to get to Kiss the Radio. He grabbed me, and kissed me in the entranceway after making sure there was no one around. It was over too quickly; I couldn’t even think of responding.

YoungOon appeared so quickly it was quite possible he had seen the entire thing. YehSung, at this point, knew about my issues with YoungOon. He regarded my former boyfriend coolly before hurrying away.

“Teukkiesshi,” YoungOon murmured and took a step closer. I turned to the side, arms across my chest in a protective manner. I couldn’t look at him. “...be careful, okay?”

And then I left.

YoungOon knew something was going to go wrong, I’m sure. He’s intuitive like that; why else would we consider him band appa?

The crash was bad. Not as bad as it could’ve been, but it was bad. The hospital smelt of antiseptic, and bleach...and death; I didn’t like it.

Mostly I didn’t like it because I was alone.

A week later ShinDong and HyukJae were fine to go home. KyuHyun had been moved from the ICU to a normal room, or so they tell me. Stuck here with over one hundred and seventy stitches—not to mention a bruised and aching body—I wasn’t allowed to see them, but others came to visit.

Cat napping one day, I heard the door open and close softly, and roused myself enough to see who it was. YoungOon. Who I hadn’t seen since that day. I pretended to be asleep.

Taking a seat next to me, he clasped one of my hands in his own and was silent for a very long time.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, so softly I could barely hear it. “I’m sorry if I hurt you with anything I’ve said...I’m sorry when you needed me I chose to help myself...”

“...YoungOon.”

“JungSu...”

Just a little more. :Dv
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