Pairing: KangTeuk, KangMin, YehTeuk
Note: Last chapter~! Finally.
Part One: When Forever Ends
Part Two: Fall to Pieces
Part Three: Fading Fast
Part Four: Reality
Part Five: Sorry
“But I love you, JungSu.” I say as we sit on the couch in the living room, my voice quivering and unstable. My pleading eyes looking directly into his, begging his forgiveness. His eyes that once held such warmth were only steely now. I shiver and look away.
“What of SungMin?” He questions softly, his voice carefully measured; as if he didn’t want to betray any emotion.
I squirmed. Truly, what of SungMin? This all started because I believed my feelings had been led astray, for SungMin. If only... But now wasn’t the time for what-ifs. “JungSu, I love you.” I insisted firmly.
Tears cloud my eyes as I feel him breathing next to me on the edge of the couch. My mind wandered to a time earlier, over a year ago. A happier time, when I had also been acutely aware of his breathing as we sat in silence on a bench in the park, watching the ducks.
My heart pounded that day as I glanced nervously into his eyes, unable to his my stare, yet unable to look away. It was that particular day I grabbed him, hauled him close, and kissed him as we watched those ducks. “Don’t tell me you don’t want this.” I had whispered. “Don’t tell me you don’t want me.”
“Doesn’t it mean anything to you that I love you?” I ask. “Please, I’m so sorry.” My hand reaches up to brush his bangs out of his eyes. He ducks his head to avoid the touch.
I ducked my head to avoid the touch. It has become too painful, being in this room with YoungOon. I sit now in silence, not because I don’t know what to say, but because I am afraid that my voice will deceive me and begin to quiver.
Another moment ticks by ever so slowly. As I start to speak, I look into his eyes and stop myself, wondering if I will be making a mistake. Maybe it can work, I think, and I imagine his arms around me, hugging my head tightly to his chest, making everything okay like he had done so often in the past when I was in need of his comfort. Now, more than ever, I ache for the reassurance of his warm gaze. But it’s not possible, for the trust is gone and our love has been scarred. His gaze is no longer warm and his eyes no longer provide comfort.
Now I struggle to find the words that I know must come out of my mouth, not like before, when the magic words “I love you” and “Forever and ever” led us down the path of our relationship. I now struggle to find the words that will end that path. It’s not that my love for him has been taken away, it’s just that I know now—since I was without him for so long—my heart can never again feel bigger than my whole body when I’m with him.
When he gets up from the couch to leave, the pain in my heart feels too strong to endure, and I have to stop myself from calling after him. I know that I have done the right thing. I know that I am strong, although at this moment I feel anything but.
I sit frozen on the couch for a long time after he has left; the only movement in the room is the tears that run down my cheeks and soak the thighs of my jeans. I wonder how I can possibly go on...
And then YehSung entered the room. His look tells me he had seen YoungOon, and knew what had occurred. I will wait. For time to heal the pain and raise me to my feet once again...
“Hi,” I murmured.
“Hey,” he said.
...so that I can start a new path, my own path, the one that will make me whole again.