Xolisile (xolisile) wrote,
Xolisile
xolisile

Title: An Answer
Author: xolisile
Pairing: YehTeuk, mentions of KangTeuk
Note: This is part of a sequel to the story entitled “When Forever Ends”. You probably should read that first, but that’s up to you.
A list of all my work with links can be found in my user info.

Part One: Something...

There is nothing better after a long day of hard work than flopping down into your own bed and just relaxing.

Crunch.

That is, of course, if your bed isn’t covered in an array of paper, notebooks, and other randomly assorted items. Sighing, I flicked on a light and moved to shove this mess off of my bed, onto the floor. I could deal with it in the morning.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not the cleanest person in the world—hey, I’m a busy guy—but honestly, ever since JongOon has decided he’s going to live in my room it’s just been a complete disaster.

As the pile of junk and loose paper fell to the floor, a small brown leather bound notebook caught my eye. I recognized it immediately. It was the notebook I kept after my breakup with YoungOon, and for all the turbulent months that followed. A diary, if you will.

I flicked through the pages, pausing here and there to read a passage or snippet from the entries. Idly, I wonder where I found the time to write this much, when I stopped on the last, and frankly, darkest entry I had written. It was dated a week before I finally managed to realize that I was strong enough without him.

We live in a country with one of the highest suicide rates in the world. Eighteen out of every one hundred thousand people choose to throw their lives away. What’s one more number on that list? One more statistic that someone will shake their head at and then promptly forget?

Not a single good thing has happened today, yesterday, the day before, or since YoungOon left me. I’m not even really living. It’s more like I’m just going through the motions. Is it going to be like that every day for the rest of my life?

I’ll probably be at schedule for most of it; smile smile smile always performing somewhere or doing something. And when I get home, SeungHwan-hyung will nag me until I suffocate.

That kind of future seems so...empty.

What if I died? I’m not brave enough to jump in front of a car. But I could stand on a street corner and someone might bump into me.

Would YoungOon regret his choice? Would he try and save me if he were there?

When I think about it, it’s kind of strange. You can choose when to eat and when to sleep, yet you can’t choose for yourself when you’re going to die.

I want to be set free from this pain.

Does life have any meaning?

They say life is heavy. But what does that mean? I’ve heard a lot of different peoples’ opinions on the meaning of life, but...

I want an answer I can believe in.

Would you like to give me one?


Slowly, I closed the book with tears brimming in my eyes. I didn’t even know why I was so affected by something I, myself, had written, but here I was, sniffling and struggling not to let any of those tears fall.

“JungSu, are you asleep?” A voice called softly, followed by the door opening and JongOon poking his head into the room. “Oh good, you’re still awake.” He broke into a smile and stepped in fully.

I want an answer I can believe in.

“Yeah, I can’t sleep without you,” I teased, wiping my eyes quickly and scooting back onto the bed properly, waiting for him. He changed swiftly and soon joined me.

He groaned in relaxation, eyes shut contently as he placed a possessive arm around my waist and curled close. “Liar,” He murmured.

Would you like to give me one?

Here he was. My answer.

“It’s the truth,” I whispered, but he was already asleep, his breathing slow and even.

To be continued.
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