Xolisile (xolisile) wrote,
Xolisile
xolisile

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Title: My Name is Kim HeeChul, and I’m Straight. Really.
Author: xolisile
Genre: Cracktastic
Pairing: Many mentionings of multiple ones. ‘Mentionings’ is a word because I say it is.
Note: I’m taking a break from the angst for a moment. This just sorta popped up into my head the other day at work and needed to be written.

My name is Kim HeeChul. ♥

But you knew that.

Also known to some as Cinderella, or just plain Rella ☆, the pink adoring, cat loving boyman. Some may call me Super Junior’s princess because of my movie star quality good looks, the royal way in which I am regarded and, among other reasons (including my attitude and incredible fashion sense) my harem of men. But let me tell you something. I resent that.

All of it.

For you see, I, unlike the rest of my band mates, am the only straight Super Junior member. That’s right.

I am straight.

Really. ♥♥

Honestly, how could you think otherwise when you see my band mates? Do any of our fans have eyes?

You would have to be blind, deaf, dumb, and been raised by penguins not to notice the way Shiwon and HanKyung look at each other. Hell, I’m sure even my cat knows. In fact, I think poor HeeBummie was trapped in the room last time Shiwon cornered HanKyung...

And don’t even get me started on Kibum! He and ChangMin are so...there isn’t even an adjective for them! When the camera isn’t on, Kibum is glued to his phone. And when DongBang actually makes it back to Korea (once every forty years or so), you can’t see one without the other. They sit around and giggle and I swear we’re all transported back to middle school when they’re in the vicinity.

YoungOon and JungSu don’t even try and hide it. The fans love it and they don’t have to bother worrying that someone might think they’re taking it too far. Hell, they’re together so often they might as well be wearing the same pair of pants. Under the guise of fanservice, they can get away with pretty much anything they feel like. Bastards.

ShinDong is like the crazy queer uncle. He’s fun and all, but he’s like the only unmarried guy who turns up for family dinner on Christmas day in a festive, bright colored sweater, and reeks of eggnog and excessive amounts of holiday cheer. Everyone knows...but no one says anything.

YehSung and RyeoWook... I don’t even want to fathom what goes on there. No. Just no. RyeoWook is too cute for that.

Speaking of cute, KyuHyun and SungMin are entirely too cute for each other. I don’t even think there is a man in that relationship...

The only normal ones around here seem to be DongHae and HyukJae, but every time I begin to think in such a manner, one of them does something to make me think otherwise! And other times I just have to remember which one DongHae is to shake myself of such insane thoughts. Those two are easier to just think of as one person. They’re attached at the lips frequently enough to be considered as such...

...

I’m going to go take more naked pictures of myself in the shower.

But I’m straight. I promise.
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